Birth Trauma and its effects on the family

This article has been written alongside Sam, my Wife, and maybe triggering to people having had similar experiences. This is our family’s experience and does focus more on how it has affected me, the Dad, but this is to encourage others to come out with their own stories if they feel comfortable.

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Birth, although considered normal, is quite literally one of the most, if not the most, intense things the human body can do. The fact that you can be in labour for multiple days, get a few hours sleep and then just be expected to leave and just be fine forever more is unbelievable.

This week, 13-17 July, is Birth Trauma Awareness Week and the theme is the financial, social and psychological cost of the illness. The results of a survey conducted by The Birth Trauma Association will be released 13th July in an attempt to reveal the full scale of what Birth Trauma has cost families.

What is Birth Trauma?

Birth Trauma is an umbrella term encompassing traumatic birth experiences and post-natal PTSD. It is a complex illness that as of yet, is not well understood. It is often, but not always, triggered by difficult births in which there may have been medical intervention, a lack of care, prolonged labour, or generally adverse birth experiences  [1]. This is not by any means an exhaustive list.

Birth trauma alone is estimated to affect roughly 4-5% of women and birthing people as well as a further 1% of fathers and non-birthing partners. That is up to an estimated 25,000 people experiencing a devastating illness that is life long and can have a devastating impact on a family [2].

Our experience

Me and my Wife, Sam, had our daughter at Queen’s Medical Centre, Nottingham, in 2017. Sadly, this was during a time when care at the hospital was at an all time low. The second Ockenden review [3], released at the end of June 2026, goes into much more detail about systemic failings. Sam was denied adequate pain relief in favour of nutmeg oils, until labour was too far along for other real medical options. We were ignored, belittled, shamed and treated with utter indifference by medical professionals who we should have been able to trust with what should, ultimately, be a happy occasion. Sam now lives with lasting physical scars, and both of us with different but hugely painful psychological scars.

When we submitted a complaint about the care my wife received, the response was “medically it was normal”, and so in their eyes nothing was wrong. To top it off we were told “our midwife was in tears because of the complaint”, as if it was us that were the issue and not the care that meant my wife would have flashbacks, panic attacks and not sleep properly for years after.

When Winnie arrived, we were 23 with no nearby support network, Sam had just handed in her Masters thesis and I was less than 6 months into my first graduate level job in a food microbiology lab. At that time, that meant no automatic entitlement to paternity leave, although I was “graciously” given 10 days, and once back at work it was back to 10 hours shift and 2 hour commutes. It was hell.

The anxiety of caring for someone with PTSD and psychosis whilst working over an hour away is unbearable and I eventually quit as Sam entered the work force as an editor, we moved to Lincolnshire and she received some NHS mental health support. I was happy being the stay-at-home parent because I could look after both of them. Cringy handmade heart shaped pies for Sam’s lunch and all.

We plodded along in survival mode, I’m not saying life was easy or even sensible. Illnesses like PTSD are complex, come in waves and need therapy and we just didn’t have the money. The only option we could really see as a way forward was for my wife to be out of the house - we were young, had no idea what kind of help was available, and no professionals in Nottingham really tried to help. They were more than happy to discharge my wife into the care of another Trust. NHS therapy eventually came about, but even that wasn’t ideal as they didn’t know where to start with this specific kind of trauma and as we would eventually discover, psychosis. You don’t start therapy and things immediately improve, things can get much worse before it gets better.

Eventually (2 years later), I saw a bioinformatics apprenticeship at Sanger and had to apply. It paid far more than Sam’s role, and long term was simply the better option. I got the job, as nonsensical as it was to go back to university and work whilst caring for Sam and working almost fulltime. But we agreed as a partnership it was the right thing to do for us all.

Unfortunately, we never had the money to get me driving, and so I was doing 6-8 hour commutes and working 9-4, for the next 4 months, and with that Sam’s mental health rolled down a hill. Taking the apprenticeship is still something I needlessly debate on to this day because of this, there is no question that we are in a better place now but putting my family through that was hard. My return to uni and work also suffered for it. Thankfully the public transport system in the UK is poor enough that I could use it as an excuse to work from home, because how do I explain any of this to my boss, let alone HR or University? 

My solution, I did what most men do: bottle it up, push it down and hope I don’t crack (I do not advise this, if you are struggling then please talk to someone. Andy’s Man Club, and therapy in general are life savers for a reason), then I go home and look after my girls, because they need me.

We managed to find a home in Saffron Walden. We moved, and then lockdown happened. COVID was horrific for many families across the globe, but for us specifically, lockdown was the best thing that could have happened. It made us stop just plodding along in survival mode and just be together and finally start really healing. We could finally make up for lost time with the lack of paternity leave and the time that the severe mental health crises took from us. 

What helped us?

Support for Birth Trauma is not common, the topic is still considered taboo and with social stigmas that surround new parents it just isn’t spoken about. Whilst Sam has done some NHS CBT courses, it was very hard to find a therapist who could help specifically with birth trauma and postnatal PTSD. Unfortunately in some instances, Sam wasn’t able to really open up about it because the therapists were parents who had had non-traumatic births and that seemed to blur the lines where therapists are not supposed to discuss their personal experiences and ultimately they began invalidating my wife’s experience. It has only recently entered the public sphere due to a handful of MP’s and a growing number of celebrities beginning to open the conversation.

The main charity that helped my wife was The Birth Trauma Association; they are the only UK charity focused specifically on birth trauma and they offer peer support groups hosted by those who have personal experience. There are also midwives that get involved and learn from members to be more trauma aware. This group was really pivotal in simply understanding the experience we had and, especially for my wife, knowing we weren’t alone.

The carshare app in use at the time through Sanger helped a lot too. Using this a couple of times a week helped shrink the commute from an up to 3 hours each way, multi-modal commute, to ~1.5 hours in a car  gave us a well needed reprieve from an absolutely soul crushing commute.

Outside of this, simply being together and making a space to talk have been key. Sam has frequently expressed how helpful it has been, especially in the toddler years, to have someone who listens and will jump into looking after the little one even after a full day’s work and extremely long commute. 

How to support others?

Check in with new parents, see if they need help. Don’t just stop at once either, be annoying about it. If you see them struggling, see if they want to talk about it. Make sure they know they aren’t alone. Don’t be afraid to ask how they are feeling, genuinely. It takes a village, and we sadly don’t live in a society that allows the kind of open conversation and peer support that parents desperately need, especially new parents. Tides are changing, slowly but surely and 

Make sure they are aware of carers leave, at Sanger we have up to 10 days carer’s leave. After the enhanced paternity leave (keep in mind this isn’t the norm in the UK) we are now entitled to from day one of employment at Sanger. If you need time off to care for your partner and child for almost any reason, then this is a suitable case for carer’s leave.

Ultimately there is no simple way to help, but as a society we need to fight for:

• Better paternal and non-birthing partner leave, 2 weeks statutory (at 90% of pay or ~£192 whichever is greater) leave is among the worst offerings in Europe and the western world [4, 7]. The European average is 8 weeks at full pay. The current campaigns for 6 weeks are the minimum we deserve. A number of studies now show that longer leave contributes to better outcomes for the whole family [5].

• Ensuring that all parental leave is at full pay for longer. Paid Maternity leave in the UK looks great on the surface, however, that’s until you notice that statutory leave starts at 90% Paid leave (100% leave is an employment benefit, not a right), this takes us to amongst the lowest providing countries in Europe (Section 3.9 of Government [6], OECD report on Parental leave [7]).

• For a maternity care that is well funded, staffed, compassionate and doesn’t think nutmeg oils can replace an epidural. There are studies which show that it can be useful, when Mothers and Birthing parents can give informed consent, don’t have other health conditions and with a select number of oils. Notably, you won’t see Nutmeg in use anywhere [8, 9, 10].

• For a maternity care system that doesn’t have to have ~6 times its budget due to the sheer number of negligence claims [11].

• A maternity care system that learns from its mistakes in the Ockenden reports and other independent reviews.

Resources

1. Policy to support to work flexibly, and take leave to support your loved ones

   The ‘Time Off Policy & Overview’ document provides detailed information about carers leave;

2. You can take paid time off for emergency care or support of a dependant (e.g. child, spouse, partner, civil partner, parent) see section 8.0 for full explanation of who is considered a dependant.

3. This leave can normally be taken in blocks of no longer than 2 days in a row to deal with emergency care.

4. A maximum of 10 days paid carers leave can be taken in a rolling 12-month period.

5. Am I eligible to request flexible working? 

All employees have the right to request flexible working providing they have not exceeded the maximum requests to work flexibly under this right during the past 12 months (2 requests). This right applies from the start of their employment. 

See: [Flexible Work Policy

](https://fred.sanger.ac.uk/page/3955)

3. The Birth Trauma Association

The Birth Trauma Association is the UK’s leading charity dedicated to birth trauma, supporting mothers, partners and families.

They offer:

• Telephone and email peer support

• Support specifically for fathers and partners

• Private online peer support community

• Information about PTSD after birth

• Signposting to specialist therapists

• Resources for future pregnancies

See: The Birth Trauma Association

4. PANDAS - help with pre or post-natal depression

Research has shown that there are other common mental health illnesses that can affect both parents during and after pregnancy. These include Anxiety, Postpartum Psychosis, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Tokophobia, Birth Trauma, with or without Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

See: PANDAS

5. Evolve free counselling service 

Up to seven sessions with Evolve counselling paid for you. Further counselling support is available through Axa healthcare. See: here 

6. Man Club

A friendly space to have a brew and a chat. It’s about human connection. You do not need to be in crisis. If you do feel you need more support there are people there who can direct you to what you need. See: Man Club 

7. Dad Shift

The Dad Shift is a group of men, dads and other parents campaigning for better paternity leave in the UK. See: Dad Shift

References

1.  Mind Charity information on Birth Trauma and Postnatal PTSD, https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/ptsd-and-birth-trauma/ 

2. Birth Trauma Association, https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org/what-is-birth-trauma 

3. Ockenden Review Website, https://www.ockendenmaternityreview.org.uk/ 

4. Paternity leave across Europe 2025, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy8d3l7858zo 

5. University of Birmingham and University of York, https://www.york.ac.uk/media/policyengine/documents/Why%20Dads%20Need%20Longer%20Parental%20Leave_%20Evidence%20from%20the%20Equal%20Parenting%20Project.pdf 

6. UK Government Maternal leave rights, https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/maternity-benefits-technical-guidance/maternity-benefits-technical-guidance#statutory-maternity-pay-smp

7. OECD report on parental leave across OECD countries,  https://www.oecd.org/en/blogs/2023/01/Paid-parental-leave—Big-differences-for-mothers-and-fathers.html

8. NHS East and North Herts Policy on Aromatherapy, https://www.enherts-tr.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Aromatherapy-and-massage-MLU-Final-09.2017-web.pdf 

9. NHS Gloucestershire Policy on Aromatherapy, https://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/media/documents/The_use_of_essential_oils_and_massage_to_help_with_your_labour_GHPI0780_09_23.pdf 

10. NICE Guidelines on Aromatherapy, https://rcm.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/complementary_therapies.pdf 

11. Guardian Article on Maternal care failings, https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jul/20/nhs-facing-absolutely-shocking-27bn-bill-for-maternity-failings-in-england